She’ll Stitch You Up Read online

  Bats was the first one seated. Ethel made her way through the crowd to the other side of the table to sit across from him. She put her purse in the chair beside her and waved Velma over.

  “I found us a nice place. We can see everyone and everything here.” Before Velma could make her way around, Calvin stepped around her and pulled out her chair.

  “Please, allow me,” he said, giving her a boyish grin.

  Ray was on the other side of the table next to Bats, and he looked over at Ethel. “Save me a seat, doll face,” he said with a wink. “I’ll find my way around.”

  Ethel cringed. She leaned in to speak to Velma, but someone began tapping their glass.

  Velma looked up to see that it was Alice. “Everyone, please make yourself at home, and find yourself a seat wherever you like.”

  The two couples had been lost in conversation and were content to stand on the other side of the table until she was done, leaving Ray trapped with Everett and the mayor, as well as Mr. Spoke.

  “I’d like your attention a moment as I introduce you to a very special friend of mine, Chef Jean Pierre.” She put the glass down and encouraged everyone to clap by putting her hands together.

  Ethel gave Velma a nudge. “Did you hear that? Chef John Pair. What a romantic name.”

  Chef Jean Pierre was a portly fellow. He had on a chef coat with his name embroidered over his heart, and a kitchen knife was strapped to his belt like it was a pistol. He walked out waving and stopped beside Alice.

  “Thank you, darling,” he said with an accent that sounded more like he came from Paris, Texas than Paris, France. “I hope you enjoy tonight’s dinner. I’ve prepared a little something special, a vegetable dish I know my dear Alice loves, and I’ve paired it with a delicious roast, a favorite of our host, Mr. Gaines.” He kissed his fingers and then blew Alice a kiss, which might have seemed flirty if he hadn’t been so effeminate about it.

  Velma tucked her chin and mumbled, “Boy, they should have made us wear boots for this.”

  “Why is that?” asked Ethel.

  Velma let it go over her sister’s head and pulled her napkin into her lap. Calvin did the same. Before anyone could move, the lights went out, and this time, they didn’t come back on.

  Everyone panicked, and a then a guttural noise sounded across the room from Velma. She felt the table rattle with a thud and heard clanking glasses as if something had broken. A minute or so later, the lights came back on.

  There were sighs of relief, but then Alice let out a bloodcurdling scream. Ethel froze in shock as she looked across the table. Bats must have stood up from his chair at some point during the confusion, and now, he lay across the table, bleeding into his plate, a large knife sticking out of his back.

  “Someone help him!” cried Mrs. Tate. She pushed her husband over to the table, but the man wasn’t about to touch Bats.

  Everett walked over and felt for a pulse. “He’s dead.”

  “Poor Balthazar,” said Ethel, who put her head down to pray.

  Everett was outraged. “Nobody move! Someone stabbed this man. One of you is a murderer!”

  Chapter 12

  The room was so quiet, you could hear a mouse fart, and everyone immediately exchanged accusing looks.

  “You’re standing the closest to him,” said Harrison to Everett, breaking the silence.

  “I beg your pardon?” Everett asked. “You’re the only one here with a record.”

  Harrison wasn’t going to let the man bring up his past. “Drunken disorderly in college is hardly the same as murder.”

  “Well, it wasn’t me,” said the mayor. “I’m calling the police before someone accuses me.” He glared across the table at Velma.

  “Stop arguing,” said Alice. “Jean Pierre was the only one with a knife.”

  The man looked like he had been slapped in the face and took a few steps away from his friend. “Bitch! I didn’t kill him. I didn’t even know the man. You invited me here to cook for your snotty friends.”

  “Watch your mouth,” said Everett. “This man was standing near us too.” He grabbed Ray by the arm. “As a matter of fact, he was leaning over Unker when the lights went out.”

  Ray turned pale. “Me? I was only talking to Ethel.” He turned and looked across the table at her.

  “It’s true,” said Ethel. “I don’t think he had John Pair’s knife.” Her expression faded a bit like she wasn’t sure.

  Ray’s eyes widened. “You know I didn’t have any knife!”

  “He could have taken my knife,” said John Pierre. “The lights were out long enough.”

  “Well, it wasn’t us,” said Gina Tate. “I had hold of Martha’s hand, and I know that my husband was right here too.” Mr. Tate and the others nodded.

  “Well, my husband was looking at the trophies on the mantle,” said Mrs. Reynolds.

  Mr. Reynolds spoke up. “I think that we should all agree it was someone with a motive.”

  “I don’t even know this man,” said Ray. “Never saw him before tonight.”

  “Me either,” said Jean Pierre. “I don’t know any of you.”

  “And we don’t know you,” said Mr. Tate. “Now we’re trapped here all night with a murderer.”

  Reeves stood in the doorway, and Everett turned around to address him. “Did you get that call made like I asked?”

  Velma spoke up. “Speaking of calling someone, how’s it going on the phone, Mayor?”

  “My phone’s not working,” said Sheffield. He turned around to Reeves. “Is there a landline in this house?”

  “I’m afraid not,” Alice said. “Everett took them out.”

  “Probably to spare a buck,” accused Harrison. “My house still has its landlines. You never know when you’re going to have an emergency. Floods, hurricanes; I’m always prepared.”

  “Good for you,” said Everett. “I guess you were a damned boy scout too!”

  “Eagle Scout,” said Harrison. “But that was many years ago, of course.”

  “What are we going to do about Mr. Unker?” Alice asked. “He’s bleeding all over the table.”

  Everett raised his voice even louder. “What difference does it make? Dinner is over!”

  “But I’ve made all the food,” said Jean Pierre. “I intend to get paid for this.”

  “Would you all shut up and let me think?” Everett turned a deep shade of red.

  Mrs. Reynolds put her hand to her mouth. “Well, I’m not eating. I’ve lost my appetite, and you couldn’t pay me to sit at that table. I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

  “Me too,” said Mr. Tate. “Shouldn’t someone do something for the man? We can’t just leave him sitting there like that. He deserves some dignity.”

  Alice took a deep breath, staring down at the man. “I’ll get a towel or something. Something to cover his body.”

  “Shouldn’t we move him?” suggested Ray.

  “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” asked Everett. “We move the body and disrupt the evidence, and you have no trouble getting away with the crime.”

  “I didn’t do anything,” said Ray. “You make more sense as a suspect, Gaines. You actually had business with the man.”

  Harrison spoke up. “The Mayor had something to lose as well. His approval ratings would slump even more if Unker had gone through with his plans.”

  Mayor Sheffield was outraged. “I’d expect an accusation like that from Velma over there, but you, Spoke? You’re supposed to be a friend. But while we’re pointing fingers, you knew Bats better than the rest of us. You could have issues we don’t know about, and killing him at Everett’s table could have been just the kind of move you’d make to try and pin it on him! You’ve always hated him, and we all know it.”

  “I don’t hate Everett. Good competition is healthy. You should know. Oh, sorry, your opponents have a way of being murdered.”

  “I had nothing to do with that!” said Sheffield. “Tell him, Velma. She’s our Sherlock. Let�
��s let her have a stab at it.”

  “Interesting pun,” said Ray.

  The mayor’s face paled a bit. “Oh, it’s a figure of speech.”

  “Are you sure it’s not a Freudian slip?” asked Harrison.

  “Enough of this bickering, gentleman!” said Mr. Tate. “We should move this party to another room before these ladies fall dead away. The smell of blood is thick in the air.”

  Velma and Ethel were both still seated across the table from the dead man, but Calvin had gotten to his feet. Ethel sat frozen, ghostly white from fear, but Velma’s excuse was that of pure laziness.

  “Come on, Ethel. We should get up now.” Velma looked at the trail of blood. It had nearly reached Ethel’s setting, and Ethel had her eyes fixed on it.

  “I don’t want to be here anymore, Velma.” Her voice was weaker than usual, and Velma was concerned for her.

  Calvin stepped up and took Ethel by the arm. “Here, Ethel, let me help you.”

  Velma appreciated the gesture, and together, they managed to get her away from the table to the other side of the room with the other obvious innocents, the Tates and Reynolds.

  “Well?” asked the Mayor. “Are you not going to offer us some of your crime-solving wisdom, Ms. Harmon?”

  Velma turned, and even though Calvin tried to stop her, she stepped forward. “Well, in a situation like this, motive is important. But so is observation and deduction, which was one of Sherlock’s specialties. We can easily narrow down the prime suspects. My sister, Mr. Wallace, and I are obviously incapable of sticking a knife in Bats from this side of the table, and we can also rule out the Tates and Martha and Stanley here. They were all too far away, and as they said, they can all account for one another.”

  “They might cover for one another,” said the Mayor, earning daggers from the other ladies.

  “No, they’d have to be acrobats to get around you and Mr. Spoke.”

  “Well, surely you don’t think I had anything to do with this,” said Harrison. “I’m just as far away as they were.”

  “You were standing right next to the victim, but still not as close to the knife as Everett and Alice, or even Mayor Sheffield.”

  Mayor Sheffield gave her a stern look. “Don’t tell me you’re going to accuse me again. I’d think you’d have learned your lesson with how well that turns out.”

  “I’m not accusing anyone,” said Velma. “I’m just narrowing down the suspects. And unfortunately, you’re standing right next to the deceased.”

  Sheffield got on his phone again, poking the tiny screen with enough force that Velma thought it might break. “I’ll be calling your friend, Chief Rayne. She will get to the bottom of this!”

  “Do you have a signal?” asked Gina Tate. She took her phone from her handbag and walked to the nearest window where lighting flickered and the rain pelted the glass.

  “No, but mark my words, I’ll get us the help we need.” The mayor was set on playing the hero just to prove Velma wrong.

  Calvin cleared his throat. “Perhaps I could help. I’ve got a radio in my mail truck.”

  “You drove the mail truck?” asked the Mayor.

  Calvin shrugged. “It gets better gas mileage.”

  “Then what are you standing around here for?” asked Everett. “Go and make a call.”

  “Forgive me,” said Calvin. “I was a little out of sorts with the dead body in the room, Everett.” He stepped toward the door, and Velma decided she had better go with him.

  “You’re not leaving me here in this room full of killers,” said Ethel, who hurried past the Tates and Harrison Spoke to catch up.

  “I say we all get out of this room,” said Harrison, following along behind them. “I’m not sitting around doing nothing.” He was on Ethel’s heels as they entered the hallway.

  Chapter 13

  Velma and Ethel followed Calvin out into the hallway, and Reeves stepped out with him. “Cal, I have your keys up front by the door.”

  “Thanks, Reeves. Where’d you park her?”

  “Over by the garage with the others. Follow me through the kitchen to the garage door.”

  As the man stepped away, Calvin stopped and turned to face the ladies. “You and Ethel shouldn’t go out in this rain,” he said. “You’ll catch your death from cold.”

  “Better than staying in this house and catching my death from knife,” Velma said.

  “Do you really think that Ray or Harrison could have done this?” asked Ethel. “We’ve known Ray for years, and it doesn’t seem like his style. And well, let’s just face facts, Velma. Harrison is too handsome to be a lunatic.”

  Velma shook her head. “So was Ted Bundy. Your theory is blown.”

  “I don’t think Ray had anything to do with it or Harrison,” said Calvin.

  “Well, I’m not letting you go out there with Reeves alone. Who’s to say he isn’t the killer? He is a butler. And he might take you out before you could call for help.”

  Calvin’s expression showed despair. “I’ve known the man for years, Velma. I just don’t see how that’s possible. But then again, I never thought the night would end with murder either.”

  “So, you won’t try and stop me?” she asked as she made her way down the hall ahead of him.

  “Wait up!” yelled Calvin. He moved to catch up, and Ethel was on his heels.

  Velma glanced back before stepping into the kitchen to see the others filing out of the dining room and heading down the hall to Everett’s man-cave room.

  They went through the kitchen, passing up their dinners, which smelled amazing and looked even better. “Oh, John Pair really outdid himself,” said Ethel, reaching over to a plate and plucking a bite of the roast beef. “It simply melts in your mouth.”

  Velma shook her head. “Stop that, Ethel. They might still serve us. No one wants to eat anything you’ve had your fingers in. Except maybe Ray…”

  Ethel frowned. “What?”

  “Never mind,” said Velma.

  Ethel shrugged. “Well, I’m starved. I haven’t had much to eat since the tuna casserole incident, and I’ve finally gotten my appetite back.”

  “Let’s hope the chief’s bathroom has recovered,” mumbled Velma.

  As Calvin looked up in confusion, Ethel pinched Velma’s arm. “You said you’d never mention it!”

  “I didn’t. You did.” They made their way to the garage, where not only did Everett have a large boat, but four cars and a custom golf cart that looked like it had mud tires.

  “That must be hell on the lawn,” said Velma.

  “It’s for the camp house,” Reeves said. “He’s brought it home for repairs. He learned Harrison’s is faster.”

  Velma didn’t understand. “I thought golf carts are supposed to be slow.”

  Reeves shook his head. “Not when your biggest competitor has a lake house in the same subdivision.”

  “Harrison Spoke?”

  “You guessed it.”

  Velma had wondered exactly what lengths the two would go through to get the one up on the other. Would Everett kill off a potential business partner if he thought the man wasn’t working in his best interest? Harrison did know the man better, and perhaps that was what this was all about? Her attention turned to Calvin, who opened up the door across the garage and headed out into the rain.

  She made it to the door just in time to see him duck into his mail truck, and when a light came on, she could see him with the radio. He spoke into it a few times and then gave the thumbs-up.

  “I think that means he’s contacted someone,” said Velma. She turned around and saw Ethel chewing something else. “What on earth are you eating now?”

  “I just pinched one of these rolls. They’ll never know.” She reached in her purse and pulled off another piece to put in her mouth.

  Velma rolled her eyes. “It’s nice to know you won’t go hungry, Ethel. Now finish that before someone sees.”

  Reeves was no longer with them, and she guessed he’
d gone back inside to await his next orders. But a moment later, he appeared on the other side of Everett’s black sports car, wielding a shovel. He had a wild look in his eyes as he lifted it over his head.

  Ethel grabbed hold of Velma. “I’ll put the roll back!”

  “He’s lost his mind, Ethel! It’s not about the damned roll.” All Velma could do was grab Ethel and pull her aside, but then Reeves called out.

  “Don’t move, ladies!”

  Something slithered across Ethel’s foot, and she looked down as Reeves smacked the shovel against the concrete floor, chopping at the snake as it ran out the open door. “Dammit!” he screamed. “I had hoped it wouldn’t get away this time. That damned chicken snake has been getting in here all summer. I don’t want him to take up permanent residence when the first cold snap hits.”

  “You could have said there was a snake,” said Velma, knowing she was the only thing keeping Ethel on her feet. She had gone limp as she lay against her. “Help me get her to a place she can sit.”

  “Over here on this bench!” Reeves ran over to help Velma, and as Calvin came back inside, they brought Ethel around.

  “Oh dear, the devil himself was here,” said Ethel. “I don’t like it here anymore, Velma.”

  Velma turned toward Calvin, who seemed confused by what was happening. “Did you get anyone on the horn?” she asked.

  “No, I couldn’t reach anyone. It doesn’t make any sense. I usually have no problems, rain or shine. There must be a major tower out. Looks like they were right. We’re stuck here all night with a murderer.” He looked down to where Ethel sat, fanning herself. “What happened to her?”

  “A snake got in,” said Reeves. “Ran right over her shoe.”

  “I think there is more than one snake in this house,” said Velma. “We should get back and see if we can find out who it is.”

  Ethel gave her a scolding look. “We’re not here to be crime solvers, Velma. This is a little too close for comfort if you ask me.”

  “Do you think you could find your way back?” asked Reeves, anxiously looking at the door. “I must get back to the party to assist Alice.”